so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
