is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
