LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
