apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize