you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
