i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
