You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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