apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize