I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
