I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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