How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
