Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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