Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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