I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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