No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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