Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
