Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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