Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
