Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
