I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize