She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
