3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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