Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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