I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
