Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
