Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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