Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
