You're my little dorito
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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