My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
