I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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