your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
