I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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