no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
