I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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