I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My balls are so social today.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
