TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
