Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
