if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
