I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
