Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
