don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
