i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I currently don't understand fingers.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
