It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
