Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
