did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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