I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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