Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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