I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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