Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
