I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
