Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
