my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
