ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
