Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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