where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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