ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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