Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
