You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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