You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
