The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
