Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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