Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
