Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
