He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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