Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
