So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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