I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
