i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
