Don't make out with my wife yet
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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