I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
