Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
