I can't watch pbs sober anymore
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
