I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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