mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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