seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize